October 10, 2007

Margaret, again!!!

I have no idea what this dream is trying to tell me.  I’m bringing it up though because – once again – a “Margaret” was involved.  WHAT is the deal with that name?!  Who the heck is Margaret?!  I really believe “Margaret” was related to Patrick somehow.  She shows up in a lot of my dreams with him.

Also, I’ve realized that in my latest book Iain – who is based on Patrick – tells his wife before he goes off to war to “Take care of Margaret and her bairns.  She’ll be needing your comfort.”  I’ve always known that Iain tells Elaine this because he’s had a vision that Margaret’s husband/brother/whatever was going to die in battle.   And well… just today, when telling Mom about my dream from last night, she told me that when I first mentioned it she thought “Margaret” has something to do with Patrick.  She thinks Patrick was in charge of caring for her somehow.  Margaret was something like his sister or stepmother, but that she really felt more strongly that Margaret was Patrick’s sister-in-law.  Mom thinks that her husband (Patrick’s brother) was killed.  Directly after Mom said that, she said she didn’t know why she just said “killed” and not that he had just “died.”  But that made sense TO ME b/c of what I mentioned above.  I never told my mother about Iain’s vision in my book of this man being killed in battle. 

But…. in a dream from a long time ago, ‘Patrick’ was supposed to marry ‘Margaret’ but he didn’t want to.  It was an arranged marriage and he and I were finding it hell to just be friends and pretend we felt nothing more than friendship for one another.  In that dream we both KNEW we loved each other, and yet we never said anything - even to each other – at least for a while.    So who the heck was Margaret to Patrick really?


I’m also wondering if Margaret always shows up as a ghost in my dreams.  If so, she might not be happy.  In one dream there was this lady ghost in distress looking for her children.  She even came up to me, touched my arm, and said “You’re an empath, aren’t you?!”  She was soooo happy to discover that, although I wasn’t.  Lol!  Even when she touched me on the arm, I felt a little electrical charge.  (I later discovered that that’s common for spirits, so that dream might have really been a visitation).  But in another dream with this lady ghost from a while back…at least I think it’s the same lady… it was not a positive dream. IF Margaret is the ghost in those two dreams… now three dreams possibly since last night… then I don’t think she’s very happy and I think she wants me to communicate with her.

I am soooo very confused.  I really don’t know what to think.

Anyway, this dream is listed on my Dreams Website.  I placed it there b/c I’m not so sure it’s Patrick-related. 
I only mention it here b/c of “Margaret” popping up again.

October 25, 2007

This was a message I received today from an online friend.

(I'll be calling her "M" for privacy's sake, and I really
appreciated her having the guts to send me this message).

Ok. Deep breath here. I have a message for you and unless I buck up my courage and send it off, I'm going to keep getting this buzzing little nudges from my Guide, and I'm not going to get any work done that way.Please don't think I'm crazy. LOL. I'm so not used to doing this.I'm supposed to tell you that there are no coincidences. That everything that you notice and stumble across and experience is there for a reason, and that reason is to make you see. To understand. Your Patrick... he is there watching over you, yes, but you aren't to focus on the bittersweet knowledge that he hasn't come back for you. You are analytical and you doubt by nature {as do I, but I'm getting better about this}, and yet you are deeply intuitive but keep downplaying that part of yourself, and you need to stop. You need to get past that skepticism and go with what you feel, what you know deep inside. The world will make more sense to you if you do. You don't need a medium to understand. The truth is there inside you. You need to feel, to know, to **BELIEVE**, and you will have the answers that you seek. Society tells us none of this exists, and yet those of us who have a deeper connection ... we have been given this glimpse into eternity for a reason. Don't squander it with doubt.Feel. Believe. And know the truth.Also, have you written a manuscript surrounding Patrick? I get the feeling that if you do so, much of the truth will come out.

P.S. I believe you are astral travelling through your dreams at times.

And this is to my response:
(I think everyone could learn a lot through what she says)

Maybe... just maybe... the next time that you recognize yourself brushing something off as coincidence, you can purposely set that doubt aside, just for the moment, and acknowledge the thought/feeling/vision.  Just say, "Hello, I see you.  Thank you."  Acknowledge it, file it away... but don't dismiss it as nothing.  Just try to stay open to the possibility. I also wonder if Patrick isn't acting more as a spirit guide for you in this lifetime.  He seems to be doing his darnedest to get your attention and to help you to see and believe in him, but also to just believe in general.  His spirit doesn't seem to be coming through to contact you solely to remind you of your past relationship with him {for what would be the point?  If he had truly learned everything he had to learn, enough not to reincarnate, he would have evolved past the earthly concerns. He must have a larger purpose than that...}I believe in twin flames, and in soul mates.  In fact, I feel that I have one that I have remembered but am not with currently as well... and I think that idea would probably upset my husband.  But then, we have other things that have tied us to each other. I probably sound very accepting of this... but it's been a lifetime in coming to terms with it, and I am only now embracing it fully.  I still have my skeptical moments, but I have learned so much through speaking with others who are also sensitive.  You, my dear, have ability.  I can feel it, even through online contact.  I do think that you push it away **because** you don't want to think of yourself as gullible.  Again, me too.  But it is a limitation you have set for yourself, and while you may think of it as your nature, you can overcome it. You mention EVPs... have you ever tried to contact him through meditation and a pendulum as a tool?  I could walk you through it, if you haven't, and let you know how my Guides come through to me.  I get the impression that you have mediumistic/channeling ability as well, so the pendulum will probably work quite well for you, and you don't have to worry about "losing control." 

And here are coincidences I picked up on:

1.) M said that  “you aren't to focus on the bittersweet knowledge that he hasn't come back for you.”

Well, my book I’ve titled “Come Back To Me.”

2.) She also kept talking about believing –

“The truth is there inside you. You need to feel, to know, to **BELIEVE**, and you will have the answers that you seek……. Feel. Believe. And know the truth…. He seems to be doing his darnedest to get your attention and to help you to see and believe in him, but also to just believe in general.”
Now, what I'll be writing below I admit is grasping at straws.  It only caught my attention b/c of the "Believe" and the "Warrior" mentioning.  (Seeing As Patrick most definitely was a warrior). So, on  some forum I saw that day that someone had in their siggy the quote -  "He thinks you have the heart of a warrior. He believes in you. Believe in him." / Awaken your Inner Warrior”

Candle Flame/EVP:

I’ve been taking a break from EVP (b/c of a few negative spirits), but decided to give it another go.  For only the second time ever, I made up my mind to ask Patrick questions in an evp session.  I began with – “IF you are for me…” (As in not for my mother or sister) – and immediately the candle flame went berserk.  The air conditioner wasn’t on and I hadn’t moved a muscle at the time.  So, either that was him telling me to shut up… b/c when I DO finally talk to him I ALWAYS begin with “IF’s”… or it was nothing.

Two Dreams
I honestly think these were just regular dreams,  but I’ll write them down anyway since it was a Neil/Christy dream.  (Patrick often shows up in my dreams as Neil).

Dream # 1

I was dreaming about the Christy series, only this was a new one with the same actors.  It was a “darker” Christy tv series; and one I’ve dreamt about a few times before.  The scenery in this series/these dreams is always very wooded.  In this dream  - just like always – Dr. MacNeill was his usual bear self (like he can act like at times), only he really cared for Christy and was protecting her without her knowing it.  In this dream he was inside some dark, candlelit cabin with Christy and some old couple.  He told Christy to go someplace to get something for him.  (Something to help with his doctoring).  After she left, Neil immediately laid down in the bed and allowed the old lady to spoon feed him a bowl of broth.  It was then that I understood he had COMPLETELY hidden from Christy the fact that he was dying.

Dream # 2

I was combing my wet hair in the bathroom mirror at our old house when my brother stood behind me.  He was a young boy again; around 8 or 9 years old I guess.  He told me, “He loves you.”  When I asked “Who?” he told me – “You are him.”  I immediately understood what that meant.  That Patrick really is my twin.  In this dream I immediately hugged my little brother.  I told him with the biggest smile, “I’ll love you forever for telling me this.”  After that the dream got really stupid because my brother or niece started teasing me.  They kept saying Patrick was a “half-naked warrior man.” 

Yeah.. whatever.  Lol!

Though now that I think about it, that’s probably a barb at my liking Gerry in the movie 300.
I do think Patrick has somewhat of a sense of humor at times.  Also, he has come to me in 2 dreams as "Leonidas" before. 
(It's mentioned near the end of my old website)

The other day I was feeling a little down:

When trying to fall asleep that night, I had a picture of two rabbits inside my head. They were side-by-side nibbling on a cabbage.  They were white with light tan (almost gray) spots near their necks.  Since it popped into my head like that, maybe that was Patrick’s way of trying to cheer me up.
(B/c in my PL with him I loved bunnies).


Received a new evp(s) from Patrick. He said “Becky, Queen.”  I didn’t try contacting him on purpose either.  I just set the recorder out to pick up whatever it gets.  I HAVE picked up evp’s a few weeks ago of some spirit pretending to be him.  I stopped recording a while after that, but I KNOW that wasn’t Patrick.  This latest evp I do believe is him though.

Sunrise Dream

Not sure this is anything, but in part of my dream last night I saw purple flowers again.  Also, some medium lady in my dream said that Patrick told her that “Dawn is sad.”  (Dawn, as in sunrise).

Last Name

Before falling asleep last night (Sunday) I decided to ask Patrick to please give me signs over the next few days of what his last name is/was. 

Today I had completely forgotten about it until around 5 or 6pm.  I remembered how when we drove into the mall parking lot today a huge truck with the word “KNIGHT” drove past my side of the car.  Now, I have been told before that that might have been his surname, and over the years I have run into a lot of “Knight” coincidences.


Just now, on the radio, the named they called for the Big Money Name Game was a Wes KNIGHT.  Not sure that means anything, but if I see/hear that name again tonight or over the next day… I think that means “Knight” just might have been his last name.  Too early to tell for certain.

Nov 28, 2007

Iain and Scotland

The other morning, after Mom read more of my new story I’m writing, on HGTV they were doing a home makeover for some guy.  When we turned the channel to that program, the host was placing pictures on the wall, saying that Iain has always been in love with Scotland.   Lol! 

(In my new book, “Iain” is the ghost and he’s Scotch-Irish).

The Idiot, Pathetic Pretender
(So incredibly pathetic that he feels the need to be someone else)

I now know for a fact that there is a spirit around me that is pretending to be Patrick.  (Maybe a few more negative energies are around as well.  Nothing evil, just annoying and immature). Anyway, I’ve been receiving evp’s where the voice clearly is NOT Patrick, yet they’re pretending to be him.  I know this because years ago, when I finally took everyone’s advice and asked Patrick questions about that past life through evp, that voice was different from the voice I’m receiving on evp now.

I also had a dream the other night which has led me to believe that this spirit has even pretended to be Patrick via about 2 dreams before.  And this recent dream… well I got the impression that either they wanted to try to trick me into thinking Patrick was mad at me or they were really pissed that I now know of their game.  That I’m on to them.

All this dream was, was me talking to some guy.  I think I had just started a new job and he was my boss.  I actually think I was a little bit attracted to him, yet he and I were all business.  He wore a T-shirt that was black with white lettering.  (I now think that was symbolic.  You know, of the truth being in BLACK and WHITE.  Something like that).  After talking to this guy, I walk away to go someplace on an errand.  In the distance, walking toward me on the sidewalk is a man that looks a lot like Patrick.  I was thinking about how HUGE and TALL this guy was.  That he was so much bigger in stature than the man I had just spoken to. But in this dream I also remember thinking that his face looked a little different than Patrick’s.  Anyway, this man was walking toward me.  He never stopped when he passed by me.  He didn’t speak to me.  He just glared at me really angrily.  He was almost pouting.  Lol!  (Patrick doesn’t pout and his energy feels different).

(Only the Patrick ones from today, as coincidences happen to me almost every single day now)


- I haven’t been to the used bookstore in a looooong time.  After a few days deliberation, I finally broke down today to buy “Tapestry.”  (It’s a book of short stories by several authors; one of which is “Into The Dreaming” by KMM which I LOVE and have already read.  There are a lot of Patrick similarities in that story). When I didn’t originally find it, I decided to just buy this other book.  So far I’ve only read 2 Katie MacAlister books and only one of them did I fall in love with – big time.   I decided to give this one a chance just b/c I couldn’t find “Tapestry.”  Well, at the front desk I asked them to please look up “Tapestry” for me.  The lady kind of laughed b/c a co-worker HAD JUST told her about the audiobook for Tapestry.   (I had heard them talking about an audiobook earlier, but wasn’t paying much attention as I was looking for “Tapestry.”  Lol!).  The lady was told about the audiobook they had of it, and replied that she’d never heard of that book.  Then I show up at the counter asking about it.  Lol! 

- I thought it kind of strange that the cover of the Katie MacAlister book (which I also broke down and bought) is similar to that recurring dream I had of Patrick years and years ago.  The “Space dream” I call it.  In that dream Patrick is posed almost exactly like the guy on the cover of this book.   He was staring straight ahead - and very seriously - holding a sword high above his head with both hands.


Just last night Mom, Laura and I were talking about paranormal stuff.  Mom mentioned how sometimes she even gets a certain song in her head that won’t go away but she feels is in her head for a reason.  Well, I forgot all about that last night of course.  But after talking to Patrick again last night – as I force myself to do sometimes - I tried going to sleep.  After a while I had an Elvis song in my head.  Just lines from one of his songs, as I don’t know the lyrics exactly.

Are you lonesome tonight
Do you miss me tonight
Are you sorry we drifted apart
Does your memory stray……
…….shall I come back again
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight

MAYBE hearing that song in my head was Patrick speaking to me.  I certainly wasn't looking for anything
like that.  I was just trying to fall asleep, and suddenly Elvis of all people is singing inside my head. Lol!

If Ever I Would Leave You

Last night, after watching some of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir,  I said – more to myself than him I guess – the same thing I wrote in that poem back in High School.  (The one which I wrote NOT having Patrick in mind at all.  Looking back, I think it was about him though - only subconsciously).  Anyway, I said that he’d better be for me and he’d better not ever leave me(Like the Captain did to Lucy in the movie). 

Well, today I read on a forum that some Scottish musician was supposed to be on Austin City Limits tonight.  I kept switching to PBS, hoping to see him on there.  During one of these switching channel sessions, they were airing an infomercial for oldies music cd’s.  They showed a video of Robert Goulet singing “If Ever I Would Leave You,” from Camelot.